


For the Best

by Bur100



Category: Home and Away (TV)
Genre: F/F, willex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bur100/pseuds/Bur100
Summary: Alex puts others before herself just like she always has.
Relationships: Willow Harris/Alex Neilson
Kudos: 25





	For the Best

She wasn’t meant to be here, the plan was to be in a hotel miles from Summer Bay, but here she was still in the bay, back in Willows bed. She hadn’t wanted to leave without saying a proper goodbye but when Willow didn’t respond to her text and hadn’t shown up at Salt she thought it was over. 

She’d tried hard the last few days to move on, the best thing for both of them was for Willow to stay in Summer Bay. People here needed her Jasmine, Bella, Dean she was their family. Willow wouldn’t be happy in Brisbane with only her, no job, no friends miles from everything she knew that would only end in Willow resenting her. She’d seen it happen before asking someone to give up their life to be with her didn’t work. It had at first, she knew Sarah loved to travel, they’d spent several years holidaying all over the world but as Alex had worked her way up to management at the hospital holidays had become rare. What in the past would have been a minor disagreement turned into days of avoiding each other, sleeping at the hospital, then she’d found the folder containing plans for a round the world trip. She wasn’t angry just sad. They’d talked properly for the first time in months that evening. Alex told her to go see the world and be happy, they’d cried in each other’s arms and within a week Sarah was gone. The morning she had left Alex had painted on a big smile and drove her to the station they’d promised no more tears, kissed goodbye and waved as the train left but once back at their apartment she’d crumpled to the floor and cried for hours. She tried to carry on as normal but spent most of her time working extra shifts, sleeping in the on call room being at home alone was too difficult. All of her friends were Sarahs friends so when they received the latest updates and photos from her travels Alex felt the heartbreak all over again so she’d decided to join the locus agency. A fresh start away from everyone who knew them as a couple was what she needed.

The first two contracts has been fine, new towns, new people, she made friends easily always had done but she’d never been attracted to anyone in that time not even a drunken one night stand. There had been the opportunity, a few offers, Alex was a natural flirt but she wasn’t the type for no strings sex and in truth she wasn’t ready.

That was until she’d landed the contract in Summer Bay, six months head of emergency medicine by the ocean sounded perfect, beautiful scenery in a sleepy little town. How wrong that assumption had been, her first day had seen a patient with a snake carved into his chest and a nurse who had her own personal protection her instinct had been to get out, but then she had met the 16 year old struggling with epilepsy and her huge supportive family maybe there were good people here.

Then she’d met Willow Harris those big chocolate eyes and beautiful smile. She felt something she hadn’t in a long time, giant butterflies in her stomach every time she saw her, she’d even signed up to PT sessions just to spend more time with her. The most exercise Alex took away from the hospital usually was fetching more wine from the fridge. Somehow however getting up at seven o’clock in the morning for a beach boot camp was easy if it meant spending an hour with Willow. They’d become close friends really quickly but Alex had definitely felt it was something more than that, she flirted incessantly but Willow did the same. She had never hidden the fact that she was gay so when she’d come out to Mason she had just assumed he would tell everyone including Willow so when the flirty banter continued Alex had read it as mutual attraction, until the moment she’d kissed her for a second she thought Willow was kissing her back but then she had pulled away and Alex saw the look of shock on her face and fled. She had drunk a lot of wine that night replaying every conversion they had ever had in her mind, how had she gotten it so wrong. Willow was straight they were just good friends, probably not even that anymore but they had managed to work through it after some initial awkwardness until the night at Salt.

When Alex had walked in and seen Willow standing at the bar in that outfit the butterflies were back but she tried to ignore them and enjoy the evening. The more they drunk the more Willow had relaxed it was always easy to open up to Willow so she had answered all the questions about her family and sexuality, then they were flirting again and Willow had that huge constant smile and those eyes never looked anywhere but straight into Alex’s soul and then they’d kissed well Willow had kissed her but Alex had wanted the kiss just as much but not like this not when Willow was not in control of her actions the tequila was. Willow had told her she was straight, this was a drunken mistake she’d regret the next morning. The last thing Alex wanted was to be a drunk mistake, Willows embarrassment would destroy their friendship so reluctantly Alex had pushed her away. She had been crushed the next morning when Willow had said she didn’t remember, but later when they had talked Alex had been elated that Willow wanted to take things slow. As Willows confidence had grown she wanted to take things further but Alex had panicked, what if Willow realised she had made a mistake what if she couldn’t go through with it at all, was she risking more heartbreak falling for a straight girl but it was too late Alex was already in love so she had taken the leap of faith and committed to a relationship and they were happy until the siege.

She had had to watch Mason die in front of her, she was a highly qualified doctor but she couldn’t do anything to save her friend and Bella was also slipping away she was letting everyone down her paralysing fear clouding her thoughts she had to do something, she had to get through this and tell Willow how she felt out loud. So she had stood up to the guy pointing the gun at her fought to make him let her get the supplies to save Bella, helped Colby and Dean end the siege. When Willow had run into her arms afterwards she wanted to say it but it wasn’t the right time, she didn’t want Willow to think it was just a reaction to fear it had to be more special, so when she had broken down on the pier after speaking to Jasmine, when she’d let Willow hold her as she cried admitted how helpless she had felt as everything fell apart around her she’d been surprised when Willow had said it first. As Alex had sobbed on her shoulder Willow had whispered in her ear “I love you” she was too overcome to say anything back so she had just held on to Willow like she was her life jacket in a stormy sea. The next few weeks had passed in a blur, Masons funeral was hard she still felt a certain level of guilt that she couldn’t save him, walking back into the hospital everyday was harder but going back to Willow every night made things easier, having Willow there when she woke at three the morning in a cold sweat having her gently hold her as she fell back asleep made her more able to cope.

Then reality had struck, Tori was fully recovered and planned to come back to work her time at Northern Districts was over, she had to look elsewhere but unlike her previous contracts there was a reason to stay here in Summer Bay a very important reason, so when the offer of a contract in Queensland came her first thought was to turn it down but then she’d lost her last relationship for her career could she really give up a job to stay here, would she be happy. Being a doctor meant everything to Alex it was all she’d dreamt of since she was eleven, what if she couldn’t find a job near the bay. The next option was to ask Willow to go with her to Queensland she’d said yes at first but then Alex had seen the reaction of the people around her so many other people needed Willow here it was selfish of Alex to take her away from her family. That’s why she had come up with the mortgage idea, she knew Willow had never considered living and committing to someone in that way, she hoped Willow would get cold feet and end things between them staying in the bay making it easier for Alex to leave her behind but the plan hadn’t worked Willow had agreed so it was up to Alex to announce she was going alone. It broke her heart to see the pain on Willows face as she said the words but it was for the best and then Jasmine had suggested that Alex didn’t love Willow it had stung badly she adored her she had to make sure Willow knew that. The goodbye at Irene’s had been hard, seeing the tears in those beautiful eyes as Alex made sure Willow knew she was loved, how Willow had tried to hold onto her hand as she left every part of Alex wanted to stay to hold Willow in her arms and promise everything would be fine but she had to leave she couldn’t look back just kept walking away.

Until that last day when Willow had run up to her making all the same promises they’d already talked about. Alex knew nothing had changed but she never had been able to resist those eyes. The afternoon had passed by so quickly, time always seemed to be insignificant when she was with Willow five hours seemed like ten minutes so when they left Salt and headed towards her car Alex hadn’t realised how late it was and then Willow was asking her for one more night, those eyes pleading with her to stay one last time she knew there was no way she could leave now. So here she was in Willows bed they hadn’t really spoken much since there’d arrived back just loved each other and then held each other in silence both knowing this would be the last time but neither wanted to break the moment with reality.

She looked over at the clock it was almost four in the morning, Willow had fallen asleep a few hours ago but Alex couldn’t sleep she just wanted to hold on to her a little while longer before she had to leave and she did have to leave soon because she couldn’t see Willow cry again so she slipped out of bed collecting her clothes from the floor where Willow had dropped them the night before. She dressed quickly and went out into the living area. She’d been at the door ready to go when the guilt had hit her she couldn’t leave like this just run out in the middle of the night but she couldn’t see Willow again it was too hard so she’d thought up the idea of the letter. She planned to leave it on the kitchen table but then she thought about Irene or Jasmine finding it first that wasn’t fair on Willow either, she’d have to go back into Willows room and leave it there so she crept back into the bedroom and left the letter on her pillow she couldn’t resist leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on the sleeping woman’s forehead, the tears were building fast now she had to get out she could break down once she was in her car but not yet,not here as she slipped out of the room again she looked back and whispered ‘I love you’ and then she left. Once in the car she allowed the tears to flow but then she had to pull herself together leaving was best for both of them she had a twelve hour drive ahead of her by the time Willow awoke she’d be long gone. Once again she was alone heading to a new town where she didn’t know anybody nursing a broken heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking of doing a second chapter from Willows POV


End file.
